Skip to main contentSkip to navigationSkip to navigation
Nearly a quarter of care leavers have low life satisfaction, according to a new study.
Nearly a quarter of care leavers have low life satisfaction, according to a new study. Photograph: Alamy Stock Photo
Nearly a quarter of care leavers have low life satisfaction, according to a new study. Photograph: Alamy Stock Photo

It was lonely growing up in care – but I felt even more isolated after I left

This article is more than 4 years old
Louise Hughes

A fifth of care leavers feel lonely most of the time. The rules we lived under as children make it difficult to keep friends

I was in care from the age of seven until I went to university at 18. In the months leading up to leaving care and starting university in a small coastal town in Wales, I was terrified by the prospect of having to live by myself for the first time. Some may argue that all freshers feel the dread I felt that Saturday morning in September but, unlike most people, I didn’t have parents I could call.

I arrived at university with no idea of how to make or keep friends. I struggled to fit in with my flatmates; they all seemed to gel as a group, leaving me on the sidelines. To this day, as a 23-year-old, I struggle to form friendships, which has led to a constant feeling of loneliness.

I’ve felt lonely and isolated for most of my life. At school I wasn’t allowed to go to parties or sleepovers or even get a lift with another child if their parent hadn’t been police checked. The strict guidelines I was living under meant I had few or no friends. At one stage, I attended three different primary schools in the space of three months. These constant changes meant I quickly learned not to get attached to people, fearing I would be uprooted again.

And it seems that I am not the only one. A new survey, Our Lives Beyond Care, by Coram Voice and Prof Julie Selwyn, found that one in five care leavers feel lonely most or all of the time and nearly a quarter have low life satisfaction – seven times higher than among young people in the general population.

The survey also found that care leavers’ overall wellbeing is lower than among children in care. We have to ask ourselves why there is such a marked drop in wellbeing when young people leave the care system. When I was in care, the foster agency used to arrange annual days out and Christmas parties. Occasionally, it held children’s groups for all the young people in its care where we could talk and get to know each other. But once I reached 16, these groups stopped. I’m sure I wouldn’t have felt so isolated if they continued or if the local authority put events on for care leavers.

In this age of technology, it is shocking that 20% of the care leavers surveyed don’t have access to the internet at home, risking further isolation. There is much talk of young people using social media too much, but for care leavers it can be a lifeline, helping them stay in touch with people and access services. I know I would struggle without access to the internet. Having found it difficult to make and maintain friendships, meeting people with similar interests online has helped me to battle loneliness. It’s great when my phone buzzes with messages from people other than my sisters.

Lack of money can also play a role; one in five care leavers who took part in the research find it difficult to cope financially. Running a home burns a big hole in my pocket, which means I can’t always afford to spend time with my friends and family or do fun things.

Something that can make a difference in helping care leavers feel less isolated is simply knowing that help is available. All care leavers are entitled to a personal adviser, a bit like a social worker, who can support them in a variety of ways. But I didn’t even know I could have one until recently. My adviser has since helped me get my very own flat, something I wouldn’t have felt comfortable doing by myself. Half the care leavers surveyed don’t feel settled in their home and before I had my own flat, I was one of them.

If there was proper support for young people in the run up to leaving care, they would feel more ready for the real world and able to transition into adult life. Workshops that teach care leavers how to manage money, cook and run their own homes could make a huge difference.

Care leavers face greater challenges than their peers in the general population. That is why we need help to make this difficult transition. Care leavers needn’t suffer like this. If local authorities, government and other professionals want to make a difference in our lives, they need to really listen to us about what we need. As a key worker for looked-after children at a secondary school, I see every day the difference this can make. Local authorities will only be able to offer the right support if the concerns of care leavers are taken seriously.

Louise Hughes is an ambassador of A National Voice, a programme run by charity Coram Voice for young people aged 16-25 with experience of being in care

Most viewed

Most viewed